Happy Mako Friends
by Satsuriku-Sama
Summary: Sephiroth watching Happy Tree Friends. Run. Run for your sanity.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy, nor do I own Happy Tree Friends. If I did, the world would have much more red on its walls. *hides hands behind back*_

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Zack was waiting patiently behind elevator doors. He was glad Cloud had stopped by to help him with his paperwork, or else he wouldn't have made it so early out of his office. His small, blond lover always knew when he was overly tired, and helped him with whatever he was doing. Not like his other lover, Sephiroth, who tortured him the whole day. He sometimes thought the man had tendencies...

Oh well. Soon he would kick his boots off, stretch on the oversized couch they owned, Cloud would massage his scalp, while Sephiroth prepared him some strong tea, before taking a shower, then going to bed with his two sex kittens.

Or so he thought.

When he stepped out of the elevator, his enhanced hearing caught strange noises coming from their apartment. At first he thought there were dying mice inside his living room. Then he heard Sephiroth laughing like a maniac.

"AHHHH HA HA HA HAAAAH! This is so cooooool!" He was saying.

"Seph, stop it, it's not funny, they're _dying_" Cloud whined.

"They're not dying, Cloud." Sephiroth said, that manic tone still to his voice. "They have an unlimited amount of blood and intestines, they always survive. They scream just for the show. Hojo's experiments would be jealous."

A series of screams followed his statements to emphasize the 'show'.

"Isn't this fuuuun?" '_I told you, reader, I told you Sephiroth had those tendencies..._' Zack thought angrily.

A loud squelching noise could be heard.

"Seeeeph, stooop iiiiit..." Cloud whined.

More screaming and crunching noises.

"Aaawwwesooome..." Sephiroth ignored Cloud, who was pitifully whining and whimpering, and by the sound of his voice, on the verge of hysteric tears.

Zack had an image brought to his mind where Sephiroth was standing on top of a pile of corpses, his hands clutching and holding up the remains of his preys' intestines for all to see. His eyes were also slightly bulging out of his head, tilted back in manic laughter. Anime style.

He couldn't take it anymore. He entered his apartment, prepared to see blood and gore on his walls, or bits of corpses adorning his once finely, professionally decorated living room, or maybe even a dead Turk here or there. He wouldn't mind the last option, a certain red headed one was slowly getting on his nerves.

What he saw was none of the above. As he entered the apartment, he saw Sephiroth and Cloud sitting on the floor, watching what seemed to be cartoons. Sephiroth paid no attention to him coming in, but Cloud ran to him, hiding behind him. Then he looked to the TV. He arched an eyebrow at the song that went 'la-la la-la-la'.

'Happy Tree Friends' appeared on the screen.

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I know, the ending sucks, I'm a horrible oneshot writer. But I just downloaded 'Happy Tree Friends', and I imagined Sephy watching it. I was scared for a moment, then I went: "Oh, what the hell" and wrote this fic. If Sephiroth kills me for this, I'll die happy knowing it was the War God, the Ultimate Hotness, the Sex on Legs General Sephiroth that killed me with his oh-so-long and oh-so-suggestive sword...pleeease review... it will save innocent baby animals from showcasting on my favorite cartoons...


	2. Chapter 2

**chapter 2** _(Whadayakno, it ain't a oneshot!)_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy, nor do I own Happy Tree Friends. If I did, the world would have much more red on its walls. Hehe._

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Sephiroth exited the meeting room with a frown on his face. President ShinRa had advised Sephiroth to hang motivational posters on the walls of the SOLDIER compound. Sephiroth was anything but motivational. Usually he would appear in one of the training sessions to remind the Cadets and lower-ranking SOLDIERs that this was not a club, and that was that.

He entered his office and sat behind his desk with a sigh. He opened his drawer to take a pen, and saw his new 'Happy Tree Friends' DVD. He smirked evilly and popped the DVD in his computer's CD tray. After every episode, he copied the small phrase displayed on the screen.

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A few days later, new posters were hung on the walls. People started to think they were a prank from the Turks, but that rumor was quickly discarded when more than half of the whole ShinRa population saw the General himself hanging up one of those posters in the cafeteria one day.

The posters had a white background and had the same oak tree on them in pale colors. Beside the tree, there were small cartoon animals.

Some posters had a weird green squirrel with sweets glued to its fur. Most of them were in the cafeteria. On them was written stuff like: _Eat your veggies!_; _Brush after every meal!_; _Don't forget to floss!_

Some others had a blind mole next to the compound's exits. They said: _Look both ways before crossing the street!_; _Don't forget to stop and smell the roses!_; _Buckle up for safety!_

The funniest ones were the ones that showed a cute animal, clad in camouflage clothes. Those hung in the training rooms. They supported the phrases: _If friends were flowers, I'd pick you!_; _Plant kindness and gather love!_

In the labs were posters with a purple beaver, saying: _Take your vitamins!_; _An apple a day keeps the doctor away!_

The showers had a blue stupid looking moose, wrapped in a bath towel, advising people to:

_Wash behind your ears!_; _Don't breathe underwater!_

And other random stuff like: _After the rain comes a rainbow!_; _Smiles are always free!_; _Adopt a pet!_

Nobody understood the meaning of such childish posters. Zack was seen muttering darkly at them, a behavior no one had ever seen Zack in. Cloud had refrained from showering or eating alone. In fact, being alone in _any_ part of the compound irked him so much, Zack had to physically remove him from the cafeteria once, after another Cadet reported that Cadet Strife was having hallucinations of the cartoons dying brutally.

The posters were gone the next day.

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I just couldn't resist writing down those cute sentences! Please Review!


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